Monthly Archives: June 2011

Stumptown Coffee – Portland, OR

Just like  children to adolescents,

who transition from playing to chatting,

our chalk drawings devolve into words,

devoid of meaning or charm.

Crema Coffee and Bakery- Portland, OR

How sweet of them  to consider

my dream to pee outside,

‘neath branches where birds twitter,

and nature’s tranquility abides.

Seems others had a different objective,

with their terse political statements.

But I really couldn’t help but not give

a crap, so I simply got up and went.

American Dream Pizza – Portland, OR

Freshly baked pizza

served by a very baked man!

I bet he sleeps here.

Albina Press Coffee Shop – Portland, Or

A rainy cold day in Portland,

found us well ensconced in coffee land.

When I found the need to go,

I went to the facilities and, lo!

A small bounty of wall-writing awaited

by the toilet, so with my breath bated,

I took in all its folksy wit

all the better for taking a s**t!

  Shouldn’t it be “spelt”? FLAX!

 You spelled “I’m” wrong

ALL prisoners are political prisoners.

(Really? Even the kid touchers?)

Free all political prisoners.

“Kill all humans” by Bender


I have a pen

and surely am

entitled to deface



Home to some of the

smartest fuckers morons shitters


Springs Orleans Restaurant – Downtown Colorado Springs

Bah!  I’m not scared of a little hot water!

I bravely begin turning the tap,

then wonder if I oughter.

Maybe this is all a big trap!

Or perhaps the sign says what it means,

and my confidence is grossly misplaced.

Perchance this water will require Marines

to wrest it down the drain with haste!

But it’s only hot water and I’m an adult,

and I have no fear of scalding!

So I continue the turn, expecting a burn

Instead what I get is a scolding!



Three Degrees Waterfront Bar & Grill – Portland, OR

Sometimes I like to linger and listen

-flush after flush-

to the liquid white noise and pretend

I’m someplace the ocean waves crush

all my pain, and my tears are dried

before I recall the porcelain I’m  astride


Comedy Works – Denver

Such an industrial restroom!

It’s too cool, like, zero degrees.

I came to this club to laugh,

and nothing in here is funny.

Oh, the center sink has no soap?

I guess the joke’s on me!



King Soopers – Colorado Springs

For a restroom trying to be so cheery,

why does your sign fill me with dread?

With your dried flowers and wreath,

are they offerings to the dead?

“Every day is a gift”-

what are you implying?

I see now the flowers are for tombstones,

and their cheer is really lying!

Smiley’s Bakery and Cafe – Colorado Springs

Magazines! They want you to stay awhile!

Never mind the pounding on the door.

But the wolf over your shoulder seems hostile;

It’s MAD magazine he’s longing for.




Read about my visit to this cafe here

Caffeinated Comics – San Francisco

Coffee and Comics! This idea is inspired!

If I worked here, I’d likely get fired.

I’d drink all the coffee, stain all the books,

Never help a customer, get paid in dirty looks.

I’d hide from the boss in the throne room,

Read and sip joe in my Harley Quinn costume.