Monthly Archives: April 2012

Limbless Plan

If I ever (god forbid) lose all my limbs,

A wheelchair is not in the plan.

Instead, stick me on a stand with wheels,

And I’ll learn to pee like a man!

Too Carefree

After a month of fickle March teases,

I bask and twirl in April’s breezes.

Wearing a new pretty spring dress,

I’m cute and sassy, and free of stress.

But my bum feels a bit too much breeze,

For it seems I tucked my dress into my undies!






(More restrooms need full-length mirrors. Just sayin’)


Get Out of Me

I deleted a boring bathroom verse,

At least I got it out of me.

I made room for something worse-

Just like when I poop and pee!


I’ve peed in many lovely restrooms-

(like the one here shown)

I’ve peed in some with nasty fumes-

(oh so many I’ve known!)

But where can I find the great ones of story

Featuring strangers’ numbers and holes of glory?


Where Does the Flushed Water Go

I wonder where the flushed water goes-

I like to think to a far superior place.

To a place glittery and fresh in the nose,

Or, more exotic, to outer space!

So please honor my demand,

And flush my ashes to the promised land.

Not Just for Peeing Anymore!

Did you know restrooms have been multipurpose for awhile?

I’ve been naïve and out of the loop to not know,

So put these in the alternate uses file!

One can do a line of cocaine-

Livin’ life in the fast lane!

If you’re fatter than you’d like to admit,

With a toothbrush and toilet you can vomit!

You can even give your dishes a wash,

Even though it’s not very posh.

And lets not take sex off the table,

Unless it’s to do it on the sink, if you’re able!

If you’re lonely and looking for a mate,

Check out the numbers on the wall for a date.

If you want something classy and tame,

You can put some art into frames!

If you have more ideas to bestow,

Please leave them in the comments below!

Bass Ackwards

I know I seem like a neatnik, vegan goody-goody,

But let me assure you- you don’t have far to hunt,

For my biggest fault can be found in the bathroom.

Would you believe I always wipe back to front?

The Grim Reaper’s Least Favorite Part

Some of us pee when we’re scared beyond reason,

And some do it slipping to the sweet hereafter.

But the best way I like to pee accidentally,

Is when I’m shrieking and howling with laughter!