I want to go swimming in a big cool lake,
Or maybe splash in the sea,
Or, really, any large body of water,
Where I don’t have to get out to pee!
I want to go swimming in a big cool lake,
Or maybe splash in the sea,
Or, really, any large body of water,
Where I don’t have to get out to pee!
Playful, obnoxious and loud,
Sad that I’m not nearly as endowed,
As this fun place where I pee!
Can a bathroom be a battle ground
For a war of good and evil?
Yes! Judging from the next-stall sounds,
Someone’s ass is getting medieval!
Pardon if I’m not very chatty,
But please don’t think me catty.
I’m not avoiding your company,
You just caught me on my way to pee!
Pooping and peeing, sleeping and eating,
Are nature’s way of holding us back.
How much more could we accomplish,
With all those hours we now lack?
She doesn’t want us too big for our britches,
But maybe we already are!
We don’t need more time just to churn out
More angry birds and idle pop stars!
If I were a parent-
Or caretaker of my my own-
What I’d miss the most,
Would be the joy of peeing alone!
I swear I feel my bladder filling up
Drop by drop
O god where is a bathroom
I’m gonna pop
Please let me use yours
Yes, I’ll shop
It’s a basic function so please
Make this extortion stop!
For days when my energy is low
And a dull restroom makes it even lower
Please give me a toilet that says ‘hello’
And ends with a rinse and a blower!
Do any of us know our true urine color?
We only ever see it watered down.
So, please, for the sake of your health,
TV shows, movies and books,
Leave out the parts to which we most relate.
So I’m writing a script with a new hook-
It’s the stuff on the toilet I’ll renumerate!